Getting Fluent in the 5 Sex Languages

We’re all familiar with the concept of the five love languages – the ways we show (and want to be shown) affection by our loved ones and partners. But, in his book, Upgrade Your Sex Life, author Dr. Douglas Weiss discusses five other less-talked-about languages that are just as important. They’re a little…naughtier, but have the same basic principles as the five love languages: How do we, as sexual beings, want to experience our intimate encounters? What heightens our experience? What gets us going? What gets us off?

These are the five sex languages.

1. Fun

Your pleasure comes from things getting a little creative in the bedroom…or not in the bedroom! If you can’t get enough of the novelty of sex here, there, or, well, just about everywhere, you might just fall into the Fun category.

Fun is also all about variety: different positions, different additions (hello, sex toys), and those different locales.

So give into those spontaneous thoughts! Switch it up! Bring in something fun and new!

2. Desire

Do you want to be wanted? Well then, your sex language just might be one based around Desire. If you love the thrill of being chased, of your partner showing you how much they want you, you probably love perfectly planned dates and personalized gifts and activities that show your partner doesn’t just care about you—they crave you.

This language is where communication becomes especially important. If your partner understands your desire to be desired, they can begin to tailor their approach, and start wooing the heck out of you.

3. Pleasure

Do you want nothing more than to please and be pleased by your partner in any and every way? Do you ask questions, watch videos, and look up new positions and techniques so you can perform better in the bedroom? Then your sex language is probably Pleasure.

The Pleasure language is all about experimenting to find new and exciting ways to enjoy your time together, and ensuring your partner is enjoying themselves to the utmost.

It’s all about that research, experimentation, and communication. If you’re a Pleasure seeker, talk to your partner about what’s most effective for them, for you, and for your respective bodies so you can heighten the experience for both of you.

4. Patience

For some of us sex is more of a…drawn-out affair. Slow builds and gentle caresses…foreplay massages and post-sex cuddling. If these are your jam, then so too is the fourth sex language: Patience.

When it comes to Patience, the best sex isn’t spontaneous, it’s anticipated—because the anticipation is the best part. And once it starts, it’s all about taking your time and living in the passion of the moment.

To maintain that lasting experience, you need to find ways to keep it fresh. Sexting, massage, foreplay-focused toys, and sensory enhancers can all add to your play, and help you change things up to keep it interesting.

5. Acceptance/Celebration

The final sex language is Acceptance/Celebration. Those who fall into this category likely aren’t “hook-up” people. They probably don’t do one-night stands or “no strings attached” dating. They want to feel valued. Not just physically, not just sexually, but wholly. As a person. As a half of a whole. They want to feel appreciated—feel connected—in all aspects of sex.

Getting into a position or performing an activity that isn’t your favorite—but you know your partner loves it—is another way to show them how much you appreciate them and accept them and their idiosyncrasies for who and what they are. Even something as simple as eye contact can help forge that connection with your partner that they crave, making them understand that you aren’t just doing this for your own pleasure, but specifically for theirs.

Mixing, Matching, & Meeting in the Middle

Just like love languages, none of these sex languages are mutually exclusive. You might be a mix of two or more—they may even change depending on your mood. The important part is taking the time to identify those preferences and patterns.

Recognizing your sex language(s) can help you not just understand yourself and your desires better, but also understand your partner better. If the two of you aren’t meeting each other on even ground in the bedroom, that can create a rocky partnership. Learning just what makes each of you tick can help you change and adapt your intimate activities to each other’s preferred sex language and increase both your satisfaction between the sheets and the health of your relationship.

Better communication, a better relationship, and better sex.

Who could ask for more?