Finding Your Sexy Style

I once heard someone say that women dress for themselves first, then for other women, and for men last. This was, of course, coming from a heterosexual perspective, but I love the liberation that comes when we realize that we can dress for ourselves first.

It can be a hard concept to sit with, and I definitely find clients push back against it, but sexiness is subjective! What one person considers the sexiest thing in the world might do nothing for someone else. And sure, our definitions of sexy are likely to be influenced by what society promotes, such as lacy lingerie or certain body types, but we are more than that!

August 5th marks National Underwear Day and I challenge you to get in touch with whatever style gets YOU feeling sexy and confident! Your body and energy get to be a gift to yourself, rather than just a tool for others. As Audre Lorde teaches us in her essay, “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,”

“…in touch with the erotic, I become less willing to accept the powerlessness, or those other supplied states of being which are not native to me, such as resignation, despair, self-effacement, depression, self-denial.”

Tapping into our own erotic energy has a powerful impact on how we see ourselves and what we are willing to accept in our lives. Keep reading to figure out what finding your erotic style might look like, while moving towards finding your erotic power.

What is sexy?

Attitude plays a huge role in defining sensuality and sexiness. Your seductive power is fueled by the way you move and the energy you bring, rather than what you wear. However, what you wear can make or break your confidence, and therefore impact your erotic energy. Think about the next few questions for identifying where your sexy aesthetic may lie:

• Are there certain body parts that you love? Perhaps your eyebrows, chin, belly button, thighs, etc. What can you do to highlight those assets?
• What colors, materials, or textures feel erotic? Do you play with neutrals, bright colors, deep reds, or all black? Are the materials stretchy, shiny, scrunched, animal print, or see-through?
• Is it sexy to be bare, to be covered, to play with a combination of the two?
• How else do you play with your energy? Is there masculine and feminine energy? A rejection or leaning in of gender? Does your accessories, hair, or something impact your sense of auto-eroticism or attraction to self?

Ideas to Get You Going

If you enjoy standard lingerie like lacy teddies, matching bra & undies, or baby dolls, and they come in your size, there is so much you can choose from. If that’s not your speed though, there is thankfully even more to choose from! Plus, when we expand what we see as erotic clothing, we also create more space for all of our body sizes and shapes. Consider the following clothing and design options that you can mix and match to come up with some ideas that fit the sexy you.

• Fishnets
• Boxers
• Long silky gloves
• Baggy pants
• Sports bra
• Crop top
• Make-up
• Piercings
• Large t-shirt, jersey, or button-up
• Business apparel
• Sexy haircut
• Dyed armpit, pubic hair, or head hair
• G-string or banana hammock
• Necktie (& nothing else!)
• See-through robe
• Tattoos

Your choices do not need to follow any type of typical fashion rules. For some, sexiness comes from the ways in which they break the rules in their expression. My biggest tip? If you feel sexy in what you are (or are not wearing!), then you will feel more confident, and your gorgeousness will flow from there.

May you enjoy the power that comes from admiring your own erotic energy and let me know on Instagram @yaelthesexgeek what your favorite looks are!