How Smut Saved My Sex Life

“Does anyone have any blog topics,” my coworker asked? For another week in a long string of weeks, no one had anything to add. When you write for a blog about sex, the topics to choose from aren’t as varied as one might think. There’s only so much to be said about BDSM or spicing up foreplay. There’s an interesting phenomenon that occurs while working at a sex toy company. Although we are constantly discussing and working with sexual content, it’s never in the context of ourselves or our private lives. It’s work.

So, when asked to pitch blog topics about sex, there is this ingrained sense of humiliation in suggesting something sordid. Pure Romance, being the sex positive company it is, certainly doesn’t inspire these feelings. Rather, it’s my implicit shame from our culture’s stigma around sex. In my self-conscious mind, pitching a racy blog may imply that I am “in to” that kind of thing. Even if I am, I certainly don’t want my coworkers to know about it.

After what feels like years of deafening silence, another coworker proposes an option: “Why don’t we do a blog about an embarrassing sexual experience. Completely anonymous.” Great! That puts an end to my self-inflicted guilt trip. But upon what should have been a relief just added more pressure. The truth was more embarrassing. There was nothing salacious enough about my sex life to say!

Discovering smut

When people find out where I work, I usually get some variation of, “Oh wow, you must know your way around the bedroom.” The truth is that my partner and I have been together for most of my life. And like most people who have been together for that long, our sex life was a far cry from the steamy tips I encouraged others to follow in my blogs. It’s not that what I write is untrue, it’s just not from personal experience. I research every blog topic I’m given with the same journalistic integrity that any other writer would. I do my homework. But now, my homework was about myself. That’s the hardest assignment I’ve ever gotten.

I have never done anything sexual that was embarrassing enough to tell you, reader. BUT I have read things that would make most self-proclaimed erotic experts blush. I’m talking about SMUT. According to Urban Dictionary (because it’s not an actual word), smut is “erotic writing that contains explicit, sexual content.” Smut can vary from a steamy scene in a romance novel (think anything that has Fabio on the cover) to amateur fanfiction with some of the most vulgar, raunchy, and lewd depictions of sex that can be imagined. Wattpad, an online literature platform intended for users to read and write original stories, is one of the most popular destinations for the latter… and my smut-drug of choice.

I’d rather confess the details of my own (admittedly boring) sex life than disclose the sordid things I read in the lines Wattpad fanfiction. The “mature” tag that labels these titles is not nearly enough warning for what an unsuspecting reader might stumble across… but it is the perfect tag to search if you are on the hunt for just that.

My journey

I began my smut journey only three months ago, when the new year brought the pressure for a New Year’s resolution. I decided I was going to read more. I had big ambitions, too. My Amazon cart was filled with lofty titles like “Pride and Prejudice” and “The Grapes of Wrath.” That didn’t last long. When your attention span has been damaged by TikTok for as long as mine, these cerebral novels just ended up decorating my coffee table. Not to mention what buying dozens of books did to my bank account. That’s how I came across Wattpad. It isn’t just for smut, it’s simply a platform for amateur writers to get their stories seen. At first, Wattpad was merely a free alternative with short, easy reads to unwind at the end of my day. Being a lover of romance, however, led to increasingly “mature” suggested content. I was happy to oblige the algorithm.

Letting smut work for me

I won’t get into the details of the sex-ridden storylines that filled the screen of my iPad each night because there is truly something for everyone. I would liken it to PornHub in terms of diversity of interest. Watching porn was never something I was into. Again, I think implicit shame had something to do with it. But also, watching porn didn’t satiate the kind of intimacy I found with reading about it. There is very little chemistry, romance, or plot that goes into most porn, which is exactly what I enjoyed about smut. Smut is through the female gaze. Smut is hot…

… and it got me hot. I was rarely the one to initiate sex between my partner and I but after reading a particularly steamy chapter, I’d be practically jumping their bones. We began having more and more sex. Better sex than we’ve ever had after so many years of going through the motions. Smut instilled a newfound sexuality in me that I never gave myself permission to explore before now. Unlike porn, smut is private. It can be enjoyed at the pool, on a plane, in the same bed as your partner, and everyone around is none the wiser.

We all want to be the girl at the coffee shop reading an impressive literary classic. But in reality, I’m just the girl in her sweats at home reading smut. And you know what, reader? Rather than this being my “embarrassing” sex secret, it’s now one that I’m proud of. Smut saved my sex life. This may not be the well-researched, informative blog on smut you were expecting, or that I’m used to writing. But I assure you this is the best advice I’ve ever written in a blog about sex.