Sexy Secrets: How to Have a Discreet Toy Collection

Earlier this year, I blazed my way through the too-short limited series “How to Build a Sex Room.” It combined two of my favorite things—sex content and home design—so, obviously, I loved it.

In one episode, however, design guru Melanie Rose built a sex room for a couple whose kids had clearly taken over the entire house. Their bedroom, meanwhile, was taken up by a massive four-poster bed, dark and imposing. Numerous piles of laundry consumed the rest of the space.

At one point, the husband revealed—clearly overwhelmed— he just purchased new clothes instead of cleaning what was already there.

Eek!

Rose transformed their room into a sleek, elegant pleasure palace with a soaking tub that was to die for. I was all for it, but one thing gave me pause: the stripper pole at the foot of the bed.

How do you explain that to the kids!?

My fellow Pure Romancers already put together some tips for building your own sex toy room. But as intrigued as I am by sex swings and decorative wall penises, I’m a harried parent who can’t even, and my greatest need when it comes to sex stuff is discretion.

So here are my own tips for putting together a discreet collection of toys and accessories designed to bring you pleasure.

Get yourself a toy that’s whisper quiet.

I like my vibrators to pack a strong punch. But when your toy also sounds like a revving lawnmower, as many toys with strong vibrations do, it’s tough to enjoy solo sexy time without announcing it to the entire household. It’s rare, however, that both my partner and my child are out of the house at the same time. That’s why it’s important to me that my toys are both powerful and quiet. A vibe like my personal favorite, our Opening Act, brings the full package.

Try a wearable vibe that hides beneath your clothes.

You may feel a bit bolder and are turned on by the thought of enjoying something stimulating outside the confines of your bedroom. Try a wearable vibrator like our Remote Destination, which you can place in your underpants. Then, just palm the remote or pass it along to someone you trust. I don’t know about your partners, but mine got a kick out of giving me a jolt of pleasure at the most unexpected moments.

Let your sexcessories blend in with the décor.

Products like our Burning Desire massage candle, for example, look right at home on your nightstand. To the outside world, this scented candle looks like any other candle you have on display throughout your home. Only you and your partner know it’s actually the perfect tool for that sensual massage you’ve been aching for all day long.

Or let folks think that those wedge-shaped pillows at the head of your bed (ideal for facilitating certain sexual positions) or the blindfold on your partner’s nightstand are for sleeping. Products like our Bed, Bondage, and Beyond restraint system can even be tucked away beneath the mattress.

Find yourself some sex toy storage.

Undercover toys like necklace vibes, bullet vibes that look like tubes of lipstick or mascara, or sex toys that look like actual toys do exist. But what happens when someone else (my 8-year-old) picks it up and takes a closer look? No. I don’t think the problem is the actual toy. I think the real problem is that we’re not properly storing our stuff.

Now, I’ll admit I keep some of my favorite toys in the drawer of my nightstand. They just lie there, wild and free, open to the world, easily spotted by prying eyes (again, my 8-year-old). But I am better about using legit sex toy storage. Pick up a few of our Toy Totes in pink or navy to keep your toys protected from the elements and just slide ’em on into the back of one of your dresser drawers for safe keeping.

Sex toy furniture?

Now, there’s a lot of sex toy furniture out there that looks like… sex toy furniture. But you can easily find a storable sex swing that you bring out when it’s time to play. Or try some of the chaise lounges made to be ergonomically ideal for sexy time are also marketed on Amazon as yoga chairs.

Yoga chairs!

Melanie Rose loves these chaise lounges and, my god, I do, too.

Maybe I’ll put one on my wish list?