Shame in the "Pick Me Girl" Game

There is no shame in the “pick me girl”* game. Well, maybe a little shame… Be whoever you want to be. But even if you’re “not like other girls,” make sure you don’t let the “pick me girl” energy become your next toxic trait.

What is a “pick me girl,” you may ask?

If you’re guilty of seeking male validation by putting down your fellow woman.

If you’re guilty of taking up a hobby with the sole purpose of male attention.

If you’re guilty of having only guy friends because girls are “catty” or without “chill.”

But there’s still time! Let this be a phase that dies with 2022. Again, if you’ve done these things to move conversation along or out of a nervous habit, don’t lose sleep over it! But if you find yourself doing the following things all the time, give it a break.

“I’m not like other girls.”

So true! We are all unique and different. This is a moot point. Stating you are the outlier in a sea full of overdressed, dramatic, cake-faced women is enforcing regressive gender stereotypes and unknowingly misogynistic. Do more for yourself! Be like the other girls! Don’t jump in on the sexist jokes. Don’t put down women to lift yourself up. Support your fellow woman and you will get supported.

“I just don’t understand why girls wear makeup.”

Makeup is fun AND for all! Try not to shame others for enjoying the makeup application process. There is no need to brag about your breakout free skin and naturally blushed cheeks. We’re happy for you! But for some of us, a little mascara and foundation is what we need to take on the day and feel confident in our skin.

“I just don’t do drama.”

Translation: “I don’t know how to communicate properly and have a tendency to stir the pot in female friend groups.” Drama is sometimes unavoidable. It’s important to work on your emotional intelligence when it comes confrontation. Learn how to keep friends for the long-term, despite small squabbles. Personal growth is fun! Let’s embrace it!

“I’m one of the boys.”

Here’s a not so hot take, men are just as problematic as women. If a girl with no female friends proudly says she “doesn’t get along with girls” as if “getting along with only guys” is a superior feat, it’s a red flag girly! If you find yourself with zero female friends, it might be time to look inward. Do you follow the clear guidelines of Girl Code? Do you get territorial around your guy friends when they are around other girls? Do you blame your girlfriend-less state on girls being dramatic or high maintenance?

There is nothing wrong with having close male friends, but there might be a deeper reason for your lack of female ones. The fact is… you’re missing out. There is nothing quite like the comfort and solace of a night surrounded by female confidants and allies, filled with deep talks, guttural laughs, and hefty pours of wine. A night like that is something every girl deserves, even a former “pick me girl.”

In a time of such great divide, the last thing we need is to pit women against each other. You are cool, different, and unique all on your own, regardless of male validation or shaming other women. There is enough negativity in the world and “pick me girl” energy is one toxic trend we should all leave in the past.

*Although this blog uses male and female pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities. Don’t be a pick me girl.