Want to be Watched?

Want to be Watched?

The 411 on exhibitionism & how to ease right in…

I first realized I might be an exhibitionist while at a sex party. No, duh, you might be thinking, but I had never been to one before and, as a socially anxious introvert, I wasn’t sure it was really my scene.

But while wandering around with my boyfriend at the time, with folks in various states of undress around us, touching each other, spanking each other, covering themselves in whipped cream and offering themselves up to the general population, I sort of got… in the mood.

Eventually, we found ourselves in a small, dark room, tucked away from the main area. We settled into the large couch pressed up against one wall and began to get a little handsy with each other. At one point, I noticed someone hovering in the doorway, watching us. We made eye contact, and then I turned back to my boyfriend. We didn’t miss a beat.

After that night, I began to notice that the possibility of getting caught in the act was highly arousing to me. I wondered how I might use this knowledge to keep things interesting.

But before we get into all that…

What is exhibitionism?

Some people mistakenly associate exhibitionism with indecent exposure. They think of flashers, people who expose their genitals to those who least expect it.

But those who feel a compulsion to non-consensually expose themselves to others are said to have a mental health condition known as exhibitionistic disorder.

Exhibitionism, meanwhile, is a consensual kink. Those who enjoy it are turned on at the thought of being observed naked or while having sex. Or they get a thrill out of the possibility that they might be caught.

How can you practice exhibitionism responsibly?

In most instances, sexual activity in public is illegal under indecent exposure laws. It’s also difficult to ensure your sex play is consensual if unwilling parties are likely to witness what you’re doing.

To engage in ethical exhibitionism, you need to make sure that everyone involved feels good about what’s happening, and wholeheartedly agrees to participate.

Luckily, you don’t need to find yourself a sex party to make your exhibitionistic dreams come true. (Though that’s also an option.)

Below, I share a few suggestions for dipping a toe into this particular kink.

Take the party outside your bedroom.

Consider moving your solo sex outside the bedroom, knowing you might have to scramble if your partner comes home.

Or take a bath-friendly toy into the shower. Your partner might assume those moans of pleasure are thanks to the delicious feeling of hot water against skin. Or they might wonder what else is going on in there… and whether they should join you.

Put on a show.

If you’re feeling bolder, and your favorite aspect of exhibitionism is being center stage, put on a whole dang show. Get yourself some sexy lingerie and unveil yourself to your partner. Or give them a striptease, slowly revealing more and more of yourself to them until there’s nothing left to remove.

Show off.

Having a self-love session? Invite your partner to watch. Seeing how you get yourself off might be useful for them and seeing how your body responds as it becomes more and more aroused will be hot as hell for both of you.

You could also masturbate next to each other, either getting yourselves off or turning yourselves on until you can’t help but turn toward each other.


If you’re turned on by the possibility of getting caught but want to take that fantasy even further, plan a scene with your partner where they walk in on you naked and/or masturbating. How would you want them to react? Shocked? Sheepish? Tempted to join in?

Get frisky in public.

And no, I don’t mean having a quickie in that restaurant bathroom or getting busy while parked in your car. Try a wearable vibrator and give your partner the remote, letting them have control of when, where, and how you feel those good vibrations during a romantic evening out. The challenge—and perhaps the greatest pleasure—will come from trying to be discreet about that orgasm that’s building inside you while you’re surrounded by other people.

Have fun out there, and maybe discover your new favorite kink!

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