Three’s a Party: Tips for your First Threesome

Threesomes are one of the most popular sexual fantasies and for good reason. Having a threesome can be one of the most orgasmic and exhilarating things you’ll ever experience. It is a unique adventure that can open you up to a whole new world of pleasure and fun. But not all threesomes are created equal. If you’re thinking about giving it a go, then you’ve come to the right place. Use these crucial tips and make sure that your first threesome fulfills your wildest dreams.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

When it comes to threesomes, it’s important to make sure that all parties involved are on the same page. Before taking the plunge, sit down with your partner and have an honest discussion about your desires and expectations.

Here are some questions to get you started:

• What do you hope will come of this experience?

• Are either of you hoping to explore your bi-curiosity?

• Are you comfortable with witnessing another side of your partner’s sexuality?

• Do you want to explore a kink your partner is ambivalent about?

• Are you excited to see your partner with someone else?

• Do you want to be the center of attention?

• Are you hoping to focus the experience on exploring the new lover?

• What are your boundaries?

• Will you be weirded out if your partner kisses and cuddles your third?

Keep in mind that communication is key throughout the entire process. As you well know, getting on the same page as your partner can be a challenge. Getting three lovers on the same page takes strong communication skills.

Though many couples forget, the third partner is not a plaything. Understanding their desires and boundaries is just as important as being clear about your own. Create a comfortable environment for saying no. If at any point someone feels uncomfortable, everyone involved should be assured that it is ok to stop at any time. Discuss in advance what you’ll do if things go off the rails.

If you are reading this as a single looking for a couple, consider it a red flag if the couple has little to no questions about what turns you on or off.

Visualize the Experience in Advance

There are a few things that can go wrong in a threesome. One person may feel left out or jealous if they are not getting as much attention as the other two. Someone may end up feeling uncomfortable with the level of intimacy being shared. Visualize different scenarios for your threesome in advance. Exploring your concerns beforehand will help you feel more prepared to manage any feelings that might arise during the encounter.

Know Your Limits

Threesomes aren’t for everyone and that’s okay. Pursuing a threesome to please a partner is never a good idea. Consent and enthusiasm are sexy. Going into a threesome reluctantly is a bad thing for everyone involved. Reflect on what your motivation is for pursuing a threesome. That being said, if you are confident you are doing this for you, think through what your deal breakers are.

If your current partner knows your preferences inside and out, you may not have recently practiced communicating your limits. But trust me, if you don’t like your feet being touched, suddenly having your toe sucked mid-session will make your blood run cold. Avoid kink-shaming anyone by letting your third know your turn-offs before you get to the bedroom. Because kinks and turn-ons can vary wildly, it can be easy to forget to set a boundary around one that rarely crosses your mind. Do a little research (Googling), peruse lists of kinks, and make a note of the ones you need to discuss with your lovers.

Pack Your Toys

If someone is bringing a penis to the party, remember that erections don’t last forever. Having toys and other activities in mind can help keep everyone engaged during their refractory period. Toys can keep anyone from feeling like a third wheel while they rest or when they aren’t the center of attention. The resting party can wield sensory toys to add layers to the experience of the actively engaged lovers or can opt to self-stimulate while spectating.

If it’s a strictly vulva party, don’t forget your toys. Since people with vulvas are frequently multi-orgasmic, the toys will add dimension to the types of stimulation you can offer each other, leading to a lovely variety of orgasms of varying intensity.

Prioritize Safety

On the big day be sure to have more condoms and dental dams on hand than you think you’ll need. You’ll need to change between partners. Designate toys for different partners or commit to sanitizing before sharing. Remember, soap isn’t the best way to clean your toys. Take a look at the best toy care practices here.

There is so much nuance to group sex experiences, we are only scratching the surface here. Remember that your first threesome will be a learning experience. But if you keep these tips and mind and continually check in with yourself and your true desires, you will have a wonderful time as you learn along the way. And your second threesome will be sure to be even better than the first.